welcome to episode 34
in this episode, we are learning to accept people, situations, + circumstances for who + what they are regardless of how we feel about them!
take a listen below!
show notes for the podcast episode
below are the show notes (supplemental reading) for this episode!
use them to take notes, complete the exercises, and take action this week —
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dear dope chick,
welcome + welcome back!
are you ready to take action today?
what you’ll need:
for those who are new here, who haven’t been here in quite a while, or have been rockin’ with me since day one —
dear dope chick™ is an action based podcast so that means that every single episode you are challenged to take one small step that aligns with living life on your own terms.
that means you’re taking one step today that aligns with the lifestyle that you most desire.
… + the answer is “you choose“.
now what if you hear today’s challenge + decide you ain’t ready for all that?
that’s on you + that’s your choice.
a part of living life on your own terms is deciding how you will move forward, deciding what you will do, what action steps you will take (if any) that will propel you into the lifestyle that you most desire.
however, i highly encourage you to take some type of action that aligns with the lifestyle you most desire.
you owe it to yourself to steer your life in the direction that you’ve always wanted to go + you can do that for yourself today.
let’s get to work!
so, grab a notebook or journal that is dedicated to this podcast so that you can participate in the activities and exercises discussed; to see how much you have grown over the course of your life.
have you heard our previous episodes?
not yet ready do the activities presented in this episode?
we have others that may interest you so if you aren’t familiar or haven’t heard our previous episodes, take a listen so that you can make an informed choice today.
you can listen to them here.
to do this week:
it is what it is… periodt.
today’s action is to find the courage to accept your life situation for what it is.
no matter how much it hurts + stings,
no matter how embarrassed it may make you feel,
no matter how much you want to resist + fight against what you see right now —
you can choose to be okay with it all.
you can choose to accept what’s happening.
you can choose to not allow it to affect your behaviors moving forward.
you can choose to feel your feelings while also choosing how long you’ll commit to having them on display.
+ yes, you can choose to visualize a way out, to believe there is a way out + you can choose to make different decisions today, decisions that better align with the lifestyle that you most desire.
you can do that for yourself today.
over the course of the week, keep flexing your courage by accepting that everything you accept you won’t like + that’s okay.
acceptance doesn’t mean you like or that you fully agree what you see.
we have to learn how to separate acceptance from agreeance.
for so long we have had the two of them go hand in hand.
instead maybe we can look at it as “i accept this + moving forward, i want something different”
what makes acceptance a courageous act is that it goes against what your ego wants to do to protect your feelings.
your ego:
- wants to resist
- wants to pled your case
- wants you to rant + rave
- wants you to put them in their place
- wants you to show others who is in control by providing a grandiose outward display of a power struggle.
what we fail to understand is our control is in what we decide to do after being told that “eh, looks life is lifin’ again”!
what do you do in that circumstance when you see life lifin’ again?
you get back up again!
courage looks like standing up again after life puts you on your ass + saying “ok, got it. thank you” while moving on with your life.
what is the “it” that you got?
- you got the lesson.
- you got the information necessary to choose different going forward.
- you got the chance to see another way of doing something.
- you got the opportunity to learn + to grow.
- you got the spirit of surrender working for you, keeping your blood pressure down + your spirits high.
the first step to transformation is acceptance.
it opens up the opportunity to dig deep + productively ask yourself “where do i go from here?”
additionally, keep reciting those affirmations!
for 21 days straight we are reciting previously written affirmations.
continue reciting your affirmations this week.
check out the previous episode if you have not to get a jumpstart on this action step.
affirmation cards are here!
dear dope chick™ has affirmation + encouragement cards readily available on deardopechick.com. head on over + purchase a deck to have those cards on deck while you journey!
cop a deck of encouragement + affirmation cards
these pocket sized affirmation cards are perfect for every day + on-the-go encouragement! shop our decks here.
my final thoughts:
stand tall in courage
running away from a situation won’t make it any better, especially when we leave our position, expectations, or feelings towards it unresolved.
be courageous enough to accept the situation for what it is.
now, you ain’t gotta like how shit is going down.
agreeing with what’s going on is not the same as accepting what is happening + has happened.
find peace in it all.
living in peace is a courageous act because by default, many of us gravitate to chaos to feel heard, to feel seen, + to feel like our voice matters.
we’ve been stifled for so long that we use it as our coping mechanism, as our way out, + as a means to get our own way.
what makes seeking peace courageous is because it goes against your engrained behaviors + challenges you to take the road less traveled: the enlightened road.
through this lens, you can see people for who they truly are + not for who you want them to be.
engaging in trash behavior
for example, when people classify their dating partners as “trash” it’s usually because the person they refer to as “trash” is not living up to the expectations of the relationship should be.
this usually conflicts with the expectations the other person holds in life.
take a moment to look beyond that: is the person really “trash” or, hear me out, they simply aren’t the best person for you to become romantically involved with?
there are some awesome people out there who, when in certain relationships, find themselves misaligning — there’s fighting, there’s cheating, there’s miscommunications all around.
why not accept that maybe no matter how many conversations you’ve had to explain yourself + your pov to no avail, that they are who they are + that who they are right now is not the person you want to entertain?
the human side of you wants to manipulate the situation to work out for you —
you want what you want + you get what you want plain + simple.
if that means talking down to that person, engaging in emotional warfare to prove a point or to continue to gain access to them, that’s what you will do.
is it really worth it? is that who you really are at your core?
sometimes you have to step back + ask yourself:
is this person really “trash” or am i engaging in trash behavior right now?
the enlightened side of you takes a step back, accepts the situation for what it is, + acts accordingly.
acceptance doesn’t mean you’re passive or don’t have opinions or don’t take action. acceptance is proactive in action because you get to decide how you will proceed.
taking action can look like leaving them alone + deciding that single life is more peaceful.
taking action can also look like accepting who they are without conditions + remaining where you are for the long haul. that may be your peaceful option.
that’s your choice.
i can’t say what’s a good or bad option, it just is an option.
i accept the fact that people make decisions that are the best for them.
it may not look like a decision i may make, but it doesn’t mean it isn’t a decision to make.
accept that you need to change, not them!
changing others is an act of self preservation because you want to change the environment around you to fit your needs.
but why focus on changing the environment around you when you can change yourself?
because ultimately you are the one who needs to change your mindset, not them.
they’ve already decided what they want to do + who they want to be.
it’s up to you to decide how you want to process that information + work with that.
it’s not about changing them — it’s already hard enough changing yourself!
there will forever be a struggle when we are actively wanting + trying to change a person because it isn’t the best action to take.
the action that needs our attention is looking within, deciding who we are deep down inside + moving from there.
all i’m saying is we ain’t gotta argue + go back + forth when we’ve accepted that what is for us is for us.
what’s for you is for you, fam — do you truly believe that?
choose peace.
earlier this week on our dear dope chick social media accounts, i shared the following mantra.
feel free to adopt this mantra + tweak it to make it yours:
i accept + am at peace with what has happened. moving forward, i resolve to choose intentionally + to take actions that align with the experiences i most desire.
give yourself the power play, fam.
instead of allowing the situation to dictate how you’ll react, allow yourself to become so proactive in your resolve that, regardless of what happens around you, you are okay.
because you are okay.
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i appreciate you taking the time to read + listen!
thank you for being here today.
thank you for showing up + listening.
thank you for giving yourself space to act; for seeing that acceptance is not agreeance.
+ most importantly, i thank you for being you.
i’ll see you on the next episode. 👋🏾
be you, be dope!
Phylicia Sadsarin
Mindset Coach
cop dope merch: deardopechick.com