episode 41: we in here!
in this episode, we are releasing fake outrage + learning how to change the narrative about the way we feel!
take a listen below!
show notes for the podcast episode
below are the show notes (supplemental reading) for this episode!
use them to take notes, complete the exercises, and take action this week —
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dear dope chick,
welcome + welcome back!
i’m so glad you’ve tuned in today.
are you ready to take action?
what you’ll need:
for those who are new here, who haven’t been here in quite a while, or have been rockin’ with me since day one —
dear dope chick™ is an action based podcast so that means that every single episode you are challenged to take one small step that aligns with living life on your own terms.
that means you’re taking one step today that aligns with the lifestyle that you most desire.
it’s up to you.
this step, big or small, is up to you.
you control your actions.
you control what you do, what you don’t do, what you will + won’t tolerate, what you will + won’t support.
the beauty of living life on your own terms is you get to choose:
- what you will do,
- what actions you will take,
- what you will stand up for,
- what you will release,
- what you will usher in —
you have that say so.
while i highly encourage you to take action today, i understand that that’s not my call.
however, you owe it to yourself to steer your life in the direction that you’ve always wanted to go + you can do that for yourself today.
let’s get to work!
so, grab a notebook or journal that is dedicated to this podcast so that you can participate in the activities and exercises discussed; to see how much you have grown over the course of your life.
have you heard our previous episodes?
not yet ready do the activities presented in this episode?
we have others that may interest you so if you aren’t familiar or haven’t heard our previous episodes, take a listen so that you can make an informed choice today.
you can listen to them here.
to do this week:
tell ’em why you’re really mad…
today’s action is to ditch the fake outrage.
what does that mean?
that means no more faking your feelings for the sake of bonding + maintaining relationships.
when you’re upset, be upset…
but don’t feel any obligation to be upset to “show solidarity” or hold on to a relationship if
- you truly don’t feel moved by what’s happening
- the emotional connection you have with that person, the basis of your relationship, is founded upon mutual hate
if your parent is still holding onto that those ill feelings toward your other parent, you aren’t obligated to also hold that hurt because they won’t let it go.
if someone does something foul to your friend, you aren’t obligated to sever ties + never contact that person again because your friend doesn’t fool with them.
if you’re proving to someone you’re down with them by fighting for a cause you don’t 100% stand behind but you’re doing it to keep them close, not only is that manipulative but it’s also fake outrage.
we can hate that something has happened or is happening to someone without fusing their traumas with our feelings.
well what about empathy, P? how is it empathetic to not feel what they are feeling?
empaths, I see you + feel you.
this is tricky territory because empaths feel deep + have an innate connection with others.
how to let go of other people’s shit
anyone can use this approach (yes, also those who identify as empaths) to help us navigate + separate our feelings from others situations + stressors.
1. acknowledge what you’re feeling + why you’re feeling it.
how did that conversation/interaction leave you feeling? what part of that conversation/interaction stuck out to you the most? why?
example: i’m feeling very heavy right now, gutted almost. i just spoke with my dear friend + found out that she + her significant other are splitting. sadness — i’m feeling sad about the situation.
2. question the origin of the narrative.
who was the conversation/interaction about — are you one of the key characters in the story? if not, name everyone who is involved.
example: this is a situation happening between my friend + her significant other. i am not a key player in this story.
3. once you identify everyone who is involved, release what isn’t yours.
so those feelings you absorbed?
it’s time to release them + usher in new feelings of warmth, comfort, + love.
example: I release the heaviness + sadness + welcome warmth. i am full of light. my light radiates deeply + touches the heart of others. my love is a powerful, healing force, strong enough to heal hearts, even my own.
optional: imagine all parties involved in the conversation/interaction in an altered state of being —
one where they are in high spirits, at peace, + whole
(yes, even the one who carries the blame + shame or who we have ill feelings toward).
for all of us who are sending people “love + light” when they are going through something, i imagine it looking something like this.
we are literally sending our love, our high energetic vibes, to others.
this is more of a visualization exercise, but can also be telepathic without images (think prayer).
the images do help because we know how powerful the imagination is so when we can see exactly what we are looking forward to experiencing, we have an easier time believing it.
example: i am picturing my friend right now full of light + at peace. i am picturing their significant other full of light + at peace. i feel the love radiating from all parties involved.
meditation + visualization ain’t for you? cool.
send up a prayer for your friend + their significant other.
why i gotta visualize or pray for everyone involved, though?
…especially when i don’t feel with the person 😕
you don’t.
the point is not to pick sides.
we “feel a way” in the first place because we are taking a good vs. bad stance.
inherently, nothing is good or bad, it simply is.
so instead of looking at good vs. bad, we can accept that the situation has happened + find ways to change our current realities.
when we are witnessing something we don’t like, we have to go within + change the way we are dealing with ourselves inside before we see the change on the outside.
we can’t change others, they have to want that change for themselves.
we can, however, change how we view them.
when we are able to see people through a different, non-subjective lens, we are about to connect with them on a deeper level.
when we see others through the lens of love, it’s easier to freely give it.
we don’t compound hurt with hurt here.
let’s lighten the load + give the gift of higher vibrations.
because how we can vibrate high when are weighted down + heavy?
over the course of the week, continue questioning what + why while also letting go of what doesn’t belong to you.
what burden are you carrying + why are you carrying it, especially when it’s not yours in the first place?
compassion is not the same thing as carrying a burden.
yes, see the situation from their side.
yes, feel how it may feel from their pov.
yes, connect with that person + show them your support.
+ then ask yourself:
how deep am i in this narrative? am i making this about me now?
additionally, keep reciting those affirmations!
for 21 days straight we are reciting previously written affirmations.
continue reciting your affirmations this week.
check out the previous episode if you have not to get a jumpstart on this action step.
affirmation cards are here!
dear dope chick™ has affirmation + encouragement cards readily available on deardopechick.com. head on over + purchase a deck to have those cards on deck while you journey!
cop a deck of encouragement + affirmation cards
these pocket sized affirmation cards are perfect for every day + on-the-go encouragement! shop our decks here.
my final thoughts:
a powerful tool of choice.
our minds are powerful + our state of being effects how we interact with others.
empathic or not, seeing the best in life is a choice.
accepting that we cannot control others will give us the freedom we need to move more freely in the world, to feel without attachment + let go + let it flow.
feelings are fleeting
feelings aren’t facts
feelings are feedback
feelings are how we learn where we are in our current mindset + feelings are how we determine where want want to go next.
suppose you’re in deep in other people’s anger + outrage that it’s now become a part of your identity —
you hate your parent for how they treated your other parent
you hate your friend’s ex for how they treated your friend
you hate that person for how they talked about your favorite public figure
how could i let it go now that i’ve let it define me?
the good thing about definitions + labels is we can rewrite them at any time.
rewrite your story — hell, you are the main character!
by giving yourself permission to let it go is how you absolve yourself from all of this.
that trauma, that hurt, that grudge no longer has to be a part of your identity.
release what’s weighing you down; what you know isn’t sitting well with your spirit.
you can tell whether or not something is worth keeping.
even if it takes you some time, give yourself that time + space to grieve, to forgive, + to let go.
so what if your family is up in arms over it?
so what if your friends are claiming standing in it begets loyalty?
what does your spirit say?
what is the core of you craving?
let go of what doesn’t serve you + fill yourself with the goodness life has to offer.
if you wanna feel a way about something, choose to feel the best way you know how to feel.
that’s the gift that you can give yourself today.
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i appreciate you taking the time to read + listen!
thank you for being here today.
thank you for showing up, for showing out, for taking action + for listening.
thank you for considering, for implementing, + for digging deeper
thank you for seeing yourself from a different mindset.
+ most importantly, i thank you for being you.
i’ll see you on the next episode. 👋🏾
be you, be dope!
Phylicia Sadsarin
Mindset Coach
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