episode 7 — ready to listen?
in this week’s episode, we are lowering our expectations to raise our vibrations.
take a listen:
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use them to take notes, complete the exercises, and take action this week —
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dear dope chick,
welcome + welcome back!
how are you doing today? i’m so glad you’re here!
tell me: are you up to the challenge of taking action today?
what you’ll need:
if you are new here, i want to let you know what’s going down:
dear dope chick™ is an action based podcast so that means that every episode you are challenged, encouraged, + inspired to take one step toward your desired lifestyle. living life on your own terms starts with you making that one step today.
exercise your right to choose!
of course you are not obligated to take action. you are free to listen to this podcast straight through + do absolutely nothing because it is your choice.
you get to choose what you want to do based on what you hear in this podcast.
you down? ’cause i been down!
if you are ready to change your life for yourself, down to do something you’ve never done before, ready to take charge of your life + live it to the fullest, open to see your failures become successes, take some action today!
(that’s me encouraging you to take one small step today).
so, grab a notebook or journal that is dedicated to this podcast so that you can participate in the activities and exercises discussed; to see how much you have grown over the course of your life.
have you heard last week’s episode?
this episode may build upon previous episodes so if you aren’t familiar or haven’t heard our previous episodes, take a listen so that you can better understand the purpose behind this week’s action steps.
you can listen to them here.
insecure, much?
expectations force us to overlook what’s actually happening in this moment + to mentally replace it with a vision of how we feel situations, experiences, people should be or should act.
they scream perfectionism because we want life to do what we want it to do, for people to behave how we want it to behave, + for situations to be what we want it to be.
it makes us think we have to experience life a certain way in order to get certain results or we can’t do it at all.
it’s reeks of insecurity + lack of trust, + is deeply rooted in fear + a scarcity mindset.
life is way more abundant than that.
the blessing buster!
expectations hold us hostage from experiencing life at its fullest.
they are blessing busters.
we don’t realize there is a blessing to be grateful for because we’re so tied to a certain process + a certain outcome — it has to look, feel, + be a certain way, we have to take certain steps to get to where we want to go — all based off of what we perceive as “right”.
it leaves little to no room for anything else to be true in our situations.
1 + 1 = 2
what if I told you the only way to get 2 is to add 1 + 1?
well, we know that’s not true.
in fact, there are multiple ways to come up with the number 2.
that’s the truth.
program overload
it’s when we are so programmed to see things a certain way or to abide by certain rules, we don’t give ourselves an opportunity to think outside of the box.
we are blinded by our own expectations + that robs us of truly enjoying the moment.
it seems like blessings keep falling in my lap!
by the way, how can we be grateful for something or see a blessing when we don’t even acknowledge what’s right in front of us?
it takes mindfulness + awareness, two principles that we can exercise today to keep ourselves in check of our expectations, both self-imposed + the ones we impose onto others.
hint: we don’t know shit!
how do we know what we want in life is going to yield us the greatest reward?
how do we know that our process is the process?
how do we know our desired outcome is the outcome of all outcomes?
how do we know that that’s what life wants to give us?
bye, bye creativity + imagination!
we are so limited by our experiences + way of life that what we think is bomb dot com pales in comparison to what the universe has to offer us!
expectations impede on our imagination + creativity.
they limit our scope of living, our range of thinking, + our growth.
having expectations distorts how we learn + how we apply new knowledge + practices to our lives.
expectations are self imposed boundaries
expectations are self imposed boundaries. it’s another way we bind ourselves to living small; to not taking chances or risks.
it’s a way we confine ourselves to our own little bubble.
do you trust the process?
we often act as if we’re open to trying new things until it’s time to try new things + we resist.
our controlling nature is so strong, we find it hard to relinquish complete control + surrender to the process.
then we use phrases like, “this has to work out this way! it’s my way of the highway” that perpetuate this way of thinking.
when situations + experiences don’t turn out the way we expected, what happens next?
we find ourselves full of frustration, disappointment, + unnecessary struggle in our lives.
we will face frustration, disappointment, + struggle in our lives.
that’s part of the human experience.
this may be a path that many of us have to take in order to realize that we don’t have to stay in a perpetual state of frustration, disappointment, + struggle.
we do not have to live that way.
lemme give you an example —
“they know me better than i know me”
we expect our significant others to know us inside + out —
- our favorite flower
- our favorite stone or jewelry
- our favorite food
- our favorite color
- or our love language
along with other expectations we place on them: they have to look a certain way, behave a certain way, have a certain type of job, etc.
and when they fall short, what happens then?
we complain about their behavior.
we talk shit about them to our confidants.
we don’t give them the benefit of the doubt —
“i shouldn’t have to tell them! they know i don’t like that! i shouldn’t have to communicate that to them!”
why should they know? that is an assumption + a big one at that.
constantly going through changes
we change every single day.
our interests change.
our attitudes change.
our lifestyle choices change.
this isn’t to make excuses for someone else’s behavior or lack of intuitiveness, this is to encourage you to check your behavior + keep your expectations in check.
are your friends really haters, though?
think about when we’re excited about something, tell our friends about it, + they meet us with a not so enthusiastic reply.
now we’re sitting there thinking our friends are haters because of how they responded — operating under another assumption — but did we stop + ask what is going on with them?
why are we taking their response so personal?
when we are excited about it — why can’t we still be excited?
we are concerned about the transgression, what about the person? are we considered about their well being, too?
it’s a dope practice for us to seriously consider the expectations place on others + when our expectations differ from what we are actually experiencing, dig deep + ask ourselves why we feel the way we feel.
we don’t have to to feel this way, but we do.
get to the root of it (hint: the root is likely ego).
the highest vibration ✨
having no expectations requires unconditional love + unconditional love is the highest vibration.
love is patient, love is kind
real love is unconditional.
love has no bounds.
fear is the opposite. as stated before, it comes from a place of lack + scarcity.
but not love.
love is abundant.
unconditional love is freely given, freely received. it’s out there: anyone can have it + anyone can use it. there’s enough love to go around, fam!
i’m loving you through it!
ridding ourselves of expectations says, “regardless of what someone does, i’m going to love them through it”.
do you believe that you can love someone regardless of what they do? we’re not talking about only the following:
- ya mama
- ya daddy
- ya siblings
- ya aunties + uncles
- ya kids
- ya significant other(s)
- ya best friends
we’re talking everyone you see, everyone you meet, everyone in this world regardless of what they do, believe, + behave. do you believe you can do that?
employing this behavior — unconditional love — takes persistence + determination.
we become walking embodiments of love when we are intentionally walking in love.
we begin focusing on what we want, where we want to be, + what we want to do + leaving behind what does not align with our belief of unconditional love.
am i enabling someone by supporting them?
does loving someone without conditions mean you have to agree with what they do? absolutely not.
does that mean you accept them for who they are? absolutely yes!
what is support?
support is about accepting someone for who they are + not for who we feel they should be.
support is loving someone through their mess.
support means you are there for someone in times of failure + malfunction.
it’s about understanding that we all struggle + are going through something. and because we all have issues, we all deserve grace + space to make the mistakes we make.
you ain’t gotta stick around, either.
when you feel you don’t have the capacity to stick around + accept someone’s choices for their life, you are free to remove yourself from the situation.
don’t put the burden on them to conform for you or to meet your expectations. they have to live life on their own terms.
so do you, sis.
taking responsibility for your own live + living life on your own terms means freeing yourself of care + worry about certain situations + minding your own damn business.
sometimes, we get so bogged down with other people’s situations + choices that we feel like we know what’s best for them.
we have to trust people enough to know that they know what’s best for them.
all we can do is support their choices + stand by them in their times of need.
to do this week:
make yourself aware of what you’re currently doing every single morning!
today, write down some expectations you have in life.
explore the following:
- what are your expectations of yourself?
- how do you feel like you’re suppose to behave?
- do you give yourself grace when you fall short?
- are you hard on yourself for not meeting your goals?
- what are your expectations of a significant other?
- how do you feel they are suppose to behave?
- think looks, financial status, living conditions, temperament, etc.
- what are your expectations of friends?
- are they suppose to call you every day?
- are they suppose to call you in your tough times?
- what are your expectations of coworkers?
- are they suppose to talk to you everyday?
- if they don’t tell you “good morning” are you going to feel a way for the rest of the day?
- what are your expectations of strangers?
- do you have expectations of how strangers should act?
- think about how you talk about others in terms of “common sense” + “consideration” (these are expectations)
- what are your expectations of kids?
- how do you expect kids to act + behave?
- do you see them as individuals or as an extension of yourself/their parents/caregivers?
did you tell them how you feel?
have you made these expectations clear to them as in verbally expressed them or written them down for them to read over + to consider?
what is it about your expectations that is important for them to follow?
what gives you the authority to set expectations over their life?
what would happen if they didn’t live up to your expectations? would you love them less? would you stop doing for them?
there’s no right or wrong here.
examine your expectations of others + how it affects your relationship with them.
you cannot change others. you can only change yourself.
so if you don’t like the state of the relationship you’re in right now, what can you do to fix it?
let’s take some action!
this week, actively work on lowering + eliminating your expectations of others.
when you feel like your ears are getting hot because you’re seeing red, think about the expectation you have vs. what’s actually happening right now.
- is there something you can do to change your situation? if so, what can it be?
- are you upset because they aren’t following your directions?
- have you asked them what is going on?
- are you assuming something about them or projecting your feelings onto them?
additionally, keep reciting those affirmations!
for 21 days straight we are reciting previously written affirmations.
continue reciting your affirmations this week.
check out the previous episode if you have not to get a jumpstart on this action step.
affirmation cards are here!
dear dope chick™ has affirmation + encouragement cards readily available on deardopechick.com. head on over + purchase a deck to have those cards on deck while you journey!
cop a deck of encouragement + affirmation cards
these pocket sized affirmation cards are perfect for every day + on-the-go encouragement! shop our decks here.
your feelings are feedback. use them as such.
use your feelings as feedback to help you understand where the work must start for you.
you are responsible for your happiness — not anyone else.
you choose where to focus your energy. emotions will rise + you get to choose how you want to handle them. you get to choose your state of being.
all this shit is made up anyway, sis.
when you realize that none of this shit is real, you’ll stop wanting to control everyone’s narrative.
everything you are seeing with your two eyes is made up in your own head.
our lives are different.
our perspectives + perceptions are different.
we can be looking at the exact same thing + see something totally different. no one sees the world exactly like you do.
understand you can change how you see the world — you can live differently. you can experience life differently, sis.
what’s holding you back?
think about how are your expectations holding you back from truly experiencing the life you want to live —
+ that’s living life on your own terms.
change how you view the world + your world will change.
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i appreciate you taking the time to read + listen!
thank you for showing up today.
this is all you.
you decided to click the link + to listen to this all the way through, so I appreciate you being here with me in this moment right now.
again, thank you for showing up for yourself + most importantly, thank you for being you.
i’ll see you on the next episode. 👋🏾
be you, be dope!
Phylicia Sadsarin
Mindset Coach
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