listen to episode 64!
in this episode, we are loosening the grip of our expectations in order to live a fuller, more freer life!
take a listen below!
show notes for the podcast episode
below are the show notes (supplemental reading) for this episode!
use them to take notes, complete the exercises, and take action this week —
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dear dope chick,
welcome + welcome back!
how you livin’ today?
how you feelin’ today?
are you ready, today, to take some action?
what you’ll need:
for those who are new here, who haven’t been here in quite a while, or who have been rockin’ with me since day one —
dear dope chick™ is an action based podcast so that means that every single episode you are challenged to take one step that aligns with living life on your own terms.
that means you’re taking one step today, however small, large, or however you wanna categorize it, that aligns with the lifestyle that you most desire.
showcase your power.
understand that you have a choice.
you’ve always had choices, even when you seemingly didn’t.
it’s now your time to take back the power.
it’s now your time to realize exactly who you are + whose you are.
it’s now your time to realize that it is all on you.
how you live your life from here on out is not contingent upon what anyone else would like to do.
no one else in this world can tell you how you live your life unless for you allow it to be so.
so, what do you choose today?
how do you want to proceed?
what would you like to do moving forward?
you owe it to yourself to steer your life in the direction that you’ve always wanted to go + you can do that for yourself today one step at a time.
let’s get to work!
so, grab a notebook or journal that is dedicated to this podcast so that you can participate in the activities and exercises discussed; to see how much you have grown over the course of your life.
have you heard our previous episodes?
not yet ready do the activities presented in this episode?
we have others that may interest you so if you aren’t familiar or haven’t heard our previous episodes, take a listen so that you can make an informed choice today.
you can listen to them here.
speaking of steps, let’s talk about today’s action step:
- this is a suggestion.
- this is encouragement.
- this is not a requirement.
i am putting this out here so that you can hear it + be inspired to do something that is pressing on your heart today.
to do this week:
today’s action is to give life a fair chance.
when you’re expecting chaos + disappointment, chaos + disappointment is what you’ll find.
see the goodness in life.
once you see it, acknowledge how dope it is + make it your mission to see more of it.
life is not some one off situation.
+ with you being the alchemist that you are, you can create the lifestyle that you most desire right here, right now.
in times when you can’t seem to find the goodness that you seek, remember it exists, that it’s real, + bring that feeling into your day.
you might not be able to physically see what it is that you want to experience, but know that deep down inside that it is all possible for you.
you don’t have to feel how your situation looks.
your situation can look the dimmest of the dims, it can look like nothing is coming from it, but that doesn’t that will happen.
anything is possible.
go into today with the mindset that life can change for you at any given moment + that moment begins when you decide to see the world differently.
share that feeling with whomever you encounter + watch it multiply in an exponential way.
over the course of the week, continue releasing the expectations you have about how life should be for you.
there are times in all of our lives, especially when we see disappointment, or see chaos, or feel like the world is falling apart, or feel like everyone’s losing their minds —
that is our perspectives + that doesn’t necessarily mean that’s what’s happening, it’s simply our limited perspectives on display at the moment.
+ because that’s what you see, you believe it to be so.
but on the other side of it, there are plenty of people who are not losing their minds.
there are plenty of people who are happy + jovial, who are doing the work, who are loving themselves + loving on others, who are kind + who open doors for others, who say ‘please’ + ‘thank you’, who smile just for the hell of it.
there are people who, when you go into the store to buy your items, they’ve already paid for them because that’s simply where their heart is right now.
how do we move past expectations when we are expecting the worse out of life?
is there a difference between expecting the worse or expecting the best?
the short answer is yes —
yes, there is a difference between expecting things to work out for you vs. expecting continuous struggle + strife.
there’s a difference in your demeanor.
think about how you react to what you consider good news + how you react to what you consider bad news.
for starters, it can visually do a number on your body.
after hearing what may be considered bad news:
- your shoulders may slump,
- your heart may beat faster,
- your brows may sport the concerned look,
- your jaw may clench up,
- your body may tense up,
- it may be hard for you to relax,
- you may start sweating —
visibly, you look distraught.
it looks like something’s going on with you.
whereas when you hear good news, your body is much looser.
- you laugh freely,
- you cheer,
- you clap,
- you smile,
- you may do a little dance +/or clap multiple times in a row,
- you may squeal a little + shake + shiver,
- you can barely contain your excitement,
- you may continuously express gratitude,
- you may offer up words of praise + thanksgiving —
your demeanor can look like night + day.
the good, the bad, or the same?
whether you expect good or bad, you take your body through a process that can knock you off balance.
think about coming down from an excitement high — whew chile!
sometimes it can take your body so long to recover + relax into a calm state.
the same goes for when you are experiencing “bad” things.
you can be so riddled with anxiety + unbelievably distraught that it’s also hard for your body to readjust, rest, + get into a state of balance + equilibrium.
going too high or going too low in either direction can make you start believe that’s how life works all the time.
yes, it can lead to disappointment if you place too much of your expectations on the situation.
think about when you’re always expecting the best of the best.
you can find yourself disappointed if it doesn’t work out for you that way.
when you’re always expecting things to never work out, you can be disappointed when it does work out because it’s going against your expectations.
you don’t even know how to be excited for yourself because you didn’t think it would work out in the first place + likely will find another thing to complain or be down about to fulfill that disappointed feeling.
there is nothing inherently right or wrong about any way life presents itself to you — it all boils down to your perspective.
there’s no one way to look at life + there’s no right or wrong way to do it, either.
life is.
it’s neither good or bad.
it’s neither right or wrong.
either way it goes, what’s happened has happened.
remaining present is the key.
now —
that doesn’t mean you can’t go around smiling, singing a little tune, or doing a happy dance when you feel inclined to celebrate.
it also doesn’t mean you can’t sulk, cry, or express anger in times of sadness + grief.
part of life is feeling your feelings, receiving the feedback from them, + using what you’ve learned about yourself to focus your energy on achieving equanimity or balance again.
too far up, too deep in
head too far in the clouds creates delusion.
half of what you dream up won’t live up to your expectations when your expectations are so high + well, get ready to meet disappointment.
when your head’s too far up your own ass, you have a hard time seeing the possibilities in front of you.
you may only see things your way or how you picture them in your mind, so when something does happen to improve your situation, you hit it with “that’s it?” 🫠
it’s all about balance.
my final thoughts:
we don’t know what’s going to happen.
we don’t know how it’s gonna happen, either.
we expect life to play out a certain way; however, the jury is still out as to whether that will happen or not.
there’s a 50-50 chance whatever you’re expecting will play out the way you think it will in your mind.
expectations are expected
it’s less likely that you or anyone can really go into a situation without some kind of expectation attached to it.
we’ve been so ingrained to prejudge + extract a feeling from what’s happening before us that we rarely allow a situation or circumstance to play out before forming an opinion about it.
that’s neither good nor bad, it simply is.
if you don’t want to do that anymore + want to go another route, you can change your actions.
doesn’t mean that what you were doing before was bad, it means that you want different.
right now, you have the opportunity to choose to do something different + to take another course of action if you so desire.
because of our predispositions + knowing that there’s a 50-50 chance we’ll view things as working out for us or view them as a fail, why not, in the spirit of peace, expect dopeness?
if we are going to have these expectations, why not expect dopeness? why not expect everything to work out in your favor?
if you say it will + it does, who can refute that but you?
the opinion of others isn’t law
others may have an opinion about what you’re going through, they may pity you + your situation, they may have choice words about how you should feel +/or react.
still, that doesn’t mean you have to feel how they feel about it or do what they say they would do.
because they aren’t in the situation, so when they say “this is what I would do?” okay, well they aren’t you —
so what do you want to do?
what actions to do you want to take?
in what ways do you want to proceed?
a situation or circumstance that didn’t work out before may work out this time.
how you know it won’t work out?
how they know it won’t work out?
y’all keep saying it won’t, but how do you know?
a relationship may rekindle after time because you or the other person may have more emotional intelligence this time +/or have better communication skills.
how do you know it won’t work out? I don’t know it won’t work out.
is this the route you want to go?
other people can tell you how they feel about it, but it’s still your choice.
a lifestyle change that you once pursued + decided wasn’t for you may be exactly what works for you now, all you needed was to revisit it with a new mindset.
you weren’t ready then, you’re ready now.
it is helpful to go into without the expectation that it won’t work out because you don’t know that as fact.
unless you’ve decided for yourself that you don’t want to go that route, there is always a possibility to experience different.
it’s a new dawn of a new day — anything can happen!
expansion looks good on you!
give yourself space to expand.
when I say, “ditch the expectations” I’m talking about this in particular:
allow yourself to experience life in the present.
approach situations with a childlike wonder
children are constantly learning about the world around them —
they are constantly exposed to different nuances, to different opinions, + to different ways of living without knowing that preset to any of it.
they are learning along the way + open to whatever they see.
be open to relearning what you think you already know.
some things you think you know, but you truly have no idea about how it works.
i’ll give you an example —
two words: ramen noodles
are you familiar with ramen noodles?
when I was younger, I’d only seen ramen noodles, oodles of noodles as they were called then, prepared by completely draining the water + then adding the seasoning packet. the noodles were also broken into smaller pieces.
when I got to college, I saw a whole new world of ramen. people were making it with cheese, some didn’t drain the water, some added hot sauce, some added deli meat. it was a sight to behold.
when I met my husband, he ate it a different way — he added egg. not a boiled egg, but a cracked egg + mixed it up to create yolk ribbons in the soup… yes, soup. no water was drained while making the ramen.
when I went to a restaurant, it was prepared with a boiled egg, delicious homemade broth, + various vegetables + meats to your choosing. you also typically have a large spoon to sip the broth.
when I went to Japan, I got to experience ramen in all of its glory! I doubled back to one of my favorite ramen joints while there because it was so delicious! I also noticed that spoons weren’t a part of the cultural norm, at least where I visited it was not. most ate the ramen with chopsticks + slurped the broth straight from the bowl. the experience was audibly different hearing the slurping vs. here in the States, we tend to eat with little to no sound at all.
I say all of that to say, we have a very limited view of how life truly is.
had I not been open to experiencing ramen in new ways, I may have never gone to experience authentic Japanese ramen in Tokyo, Japan. I honestly didn’t know what to expect, didn’t know so many variations of eating ramen existed, but I am open to the possibilities.
my children eat it much differently than I did at that age + tend to dance on the spicy side of things, but I enjoy watching them enjoy life in that way. they like it so you know what? I love it!
remain open to the possibilities
unfavorable situations can happen today, but guess what?
they’ll only infringe upon the goodness if you allow for it to go down like that.
uphold the best moments of your day, fam.
you don’t have to succumb to any type of feeling you don’t want to feel.
you get to focus on the feelings you want to feel.
yes, the feelings are there + yes, you may experience disappointment, but you don’t have to stay there.
you can acknowledge disappointment + decide what you’d like to do now to make sure that you aren’t feeling this feeling any longer.
“I don’t want to feel this feeling anymore, I feel want to feel something else — what do I do now?”
you can take that energy you’re investing in disappointment or any other feeling you’d like to rid in your life + point that energy elsewhere; to the state of being you’d rather experience.
seek only to find more of what you want + watch more of what you want enter into your life.
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additionally, keep reciting those affirmations!
for 21 days straight we are reciting previously written affirmations.
continue reciting your affirmations this week.
check out the previous episode if you have not to get a jumpstart on this action step.
affirmation cards are here!
dear dope chick™ has affirmation + encouragement cards readily available on deardopechick.com. head on over + purchase a deck to have those cards on deck while you journey!
cop a deck of encouragement + affirmation cards
these pocket sized affirmation cards are perfect for every day + on-the-go encouragement! shop our decks here.
i appreciate you taking the time to read + listen!
thank you for showing up today + for being present.
thank you for deciding to listen, to learn, + to implement.
+ most importantly, i thank you for being you.
i’ll see you on the next episode. 👋🏾
be you, be dope!
Phylicia Sadsarin
Mindset Coach
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