episode 8 — let’s get into it!
in this week’s episode, we are discussing the soft life era + exploring ways we can incorporate it into our current lifestyles.
take a listen below!
show notes for the podcast episode
below are the show notes (supplemental reading) for this episode!
use them to take notes, complete the exercises, and take action this week —
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dear dope chick,
welcome + welcome back!
how are you doing today? how you livin’? how you feelin’?
are you ready to take some action today?
what you’ll need:
if you are new here, i want to let you know what’s going down:
dear dope chick™ is an action based podcast so that means that every episode you are challenged, encouraged, + inspired to take one step toward your desired lifestyle.
living life on your own terms starts with you making that one step today.
your life, your choice!
do you have to take a step today? absolutely not.
the beauty of living life on your own terms is that you don’t have to do shit you don’t want to do!
blow your own damn mind.
however, i am encouraging you to blow your own damn mind today!
do something today that is different + focuses your energy + concentration on creating the lifestyle that you know deep down inside that you know is where you want to be.
that take thought + vision with you into creating that lifestyle.
of course you are not obligated to take action.
you are free to listen to this podcast straight through + do absolutely nothing because it is your choice.
you get to choose what you want to do based on what you hear in this podcast.
you ready? let’s go!
if you are ready to change your life for yourself, down to do something you’ve never done before, ready to take charge of your life + live it to the fullest, open to see your failures become successes, take some action today!
so, grab a notebook or journal that is dedicated to this podcast so that you can participate in the activities and exercises discussed; to see how much you have grown over the course of your life.
have you heard last week’s episode?
this episode may build upon previous episodes so if you aren’t familiar or haven’t heard our previous episodes, take a listen so that you can better understand the purpose behind this week’s action steps.
you can listen to them here.
rip to hustle + grind!
you may have noticed people denouncing the hustle + grind mentality + embracing the soft life or the soft era.
i’m noticing that more + more people are not wanting to be on the go seemingly all the time + are embracing rest, flexing their right to say “no”, + are turning to a slower pace of life.
though the soft life is trending, but it’s not new in the slightest.
it’s always been there, but it’s always been there.
what society pushes is the go-go-go lifestyle + what we constantly see shapes our perceptions.
as you may have witnessed, constant hustle + grind can lead to burnout, mental + physical fatigue, + resentment of working.
up until now, we haven’t been exposed to a lot of people embracing rest.
thankfully, that is all changing before our eyes.
so, what is ‘the soft life‘?
the soft life is a new phrase for self-care.
essentially that’s how i define it.
how do you define it?
for me, it’s about embracing about rest + restoration.
it’s about living life outside of the hustle + bustle/hustle + grind of daily living. there is a life that extends beyond that — that’s where the soft life resides.
it’s about denouncing terms such as superhuman, supermom, superwoman, superman — anything that promotes indestructibility + not human like. we are all humans. we all struggle. no one is inferior or superior to anyone based off our productivity levels. we are all interconnected + doing our best.
the soft life is about finding ways to incorporate stillness + rejuvenation into our daily routines, practicing gentleness + kindness with ourselves + others, + flowing + going with life, no so much focused on “how” things will get done, but trusting the process 100%!
the soft life is trusting that life is happening for our good + believing that life is abundant; that everything we need in life is already within us.
embracing the soft life requires mindfulness + awareness. it requires us to be here in this moment; to not worry about the future or past, but to be right here, right now.
distant thoughts drain our energy, whereas the soft life allows us to rest in the unknown by knowing that we’re good regardless.
practicing mindfulness + awareness forces us to examine our current habits, patterns, behaviors, + actions as they are now to see exactly what we’d like to change moving forward.
we did this activity back in episode 2, so take a listen if you haven’t already to learn more about what that process looks like in action.
link: the podcast: take the time to align (episode 2)
is ‘the soft life‘ for me?
so you may be wondering: is the soft life for me?
the soft life is for everyone.
you aren’t excluded from living life on your own terms, are you?
the beauty of life is that you get to choose how much or how little of an activity that you’d like to do.
even when you don’t feel there is a choice, there is always a choice.
decreasing the mental load
the soft life helps us focus on what is important in the moment, ultimately decreasing the mental load that we tend to carry with us day in + day out.
here’s an exercise I’d like for you to do real quick.
think of two things at once. your mind will wonder to one thing + then wonder to the next, but are two conscious thoughts existing simultaneous in your brain? forget the automatic responses your body acclimates to over time through repetition — yes, you can drive, breathe, + listen to music at the same time without thinking about it. what happens when you have to think, though?
when you’re busy focused on now, how can you think about your past or your future?
decreasing your mental load may look like streamlining your daily activities:
do you have to answer every email as they roll in or can you have a designated time for that task?
maybe you have a system where you dedicate that time only to answering emails + anything not answered in that time has to wait.
will people be upset by your lack of responsiveness? can’t answer that for you; however, if they are that’s a them feeling they will need to work out for themselves.
i repeat: those are not your feelings to sort through + that is not your mental load to carry.
are you the only person who can do the laundry?
if you live with others, have you asked them if can they do it? if they are teachable, have you asked them if you can show them how to do it? (yes, even when they are grown, they are still capable of learning).
can you outsource the service? it may cost a few extra dollars, yes, but is that a price you’re willing to pay for peace of mind?
remember, when a person you’re living with (or people in general) is unwilling to do anything i.e. help with the laundry, it’s not on us to force them or make them do it.
we can start by talking to them about their choices + getting an understanding of their perspective.
we discussed expectations in our last episode, + as a reminder sometimes our expectations can lead people to action paralysis.
they don’t want to do things for us or in our presence because it won’t ever met the standards we’ve placed on them or the task.
communicate to understand
have you spoken to people with whom you have a conflict about what is truly going on with them? like, truly listened to them to understand + not to respond?
it’s important to talk about what’s going on, accept what others say (not to be confused with agreeing with what is said), + reflect before taking action.
we can only do what we can do.
what are some examples of ‘the soft life‘?
well, based on the above example, i’d say an example of the soft life is not arguing with people over the choices they make for their lives. we can only control what we do.
ultimately, the soft life is what you make it. what makes you feel relaxed + at ease? here are some examples:
- nature walks
- enjoying a meal without rushing to eat
- journaling
- meditating
- being present in this moment
- napping
- working out
- taking time to slow down
examples not mentioned in the podcast episode:
- treating mundane moments as a luxurious experiences
- breath awareness + deep breathing exercises
- embracing + enveloping oneself in boredom
another example is focusing on productive thoughts, not to be confused with productivity.
in the instance of eating a meal, productive thoughts may center around how the meal tastes, the sensations that arise while eating your food, thinking about how much you enjoy this moment of eating a meal — those are productive as they focus on the task at hand + allow full immersion in the experience.
what’s not productive is thinking about something unrelated to the action of eating your meal, i.e. worrying about who’s gonna do dishes after the meal is done. none of that shit matters in the moment, fam.
unproductive thoughts rob you of enjoying the moment + the quicker we can recognize them when they arise, the faster we can let them drift away.
thoughts are not our own until we lay claim to them. just as they came, allow them to go.
plant the seeds. watch them grow.
planting a garden has been my one of my favorite parts of the soft life. it gives me time slow down + to watch things grow.
i have the time to:
- stop
- plant the seeds
- water the garden
- check on my garden
- weed the garden
- get rid of pests
- get rid of dead leaves
- prune the plants
- speak kindly to it
as a result of my efforts, i see fruits! we’ve had an abundance of zucchini, cucumber, tomatoes, + carrots this season.
i am able to enjoy the fruits of my labor because i have taken the time to slow down + take care of my garden.
the soft life doesn’t have to be complicated or grandiose in nature.
it is having exercising your freedom to slow down, to say “this is where i want to focus my time + energy”, + to follow through with taking time to truly experience life in its fullness.
the soft life with others can look like:
- thinking before you speak.
- actually taking the time to slow down + process what you say before you say it.
- it can look like quality time —
- enjoying spending time with them in their natural element
- laying your head on your significant other’s shoulder
- engaging in a heartfelt conversation, one that extends beyond the surface + consists of a lot of uninterrupted listening
- seeing people for who they are + not for who we want them to be
- seeing the potential in others without wanting to change who they are right now in this moment so that they can fit the narrative of who we think they should be.
- do you like who they are in this moment?
- there is no guarantee they will change into the person who you see them being.
- giving grace for mistakes
- forgiveness!
- even though it can be seen as an act for us, forgiveness benefits everyone involved
- you’re not longer holding onto receipts about past transgressions + are committed loving others unconditionally (discussed more in depth here: the podcast: from lowered expectations to higher vibrations (episode 7)
to do this week:
define what ‘the soft life’ looks like for you.
write down your definition of what ‘the soft life‘ entails in your life.
then, list 10 different ways you can be softer with yourself this week + 5 different ways you can be softer with others.
let’s take some action!
this week, put your lists into action immediately. you can start now!
your lists likely will overlap because when you can be soft with yourself, you can be soft with others.
you’re giving yourself space + grace to make mistakes + when you’re pure about this, it will be extended to others as well.
additionally, keep reciting those affirmations!
for 21 days straight we are reciting previously written affirmations.
continue reciting your affirmations this week.
check out the previous episode if you have not to get a jumpstart on this action step.
affirmation cards are here!
dear dope chick™ has affirmation + encouragement cards readily available on deardopechick.com. head on over + purchase a deck to have those cards on deck while you journey!
cop a deck of encouragement + affirmation cards
these pocket sized affirmation cards are perfect for every day + on-the-go encouragement! shop our decks here.
dust yourself off + start again!
yes, you are going to slip up with being soft with yourself + others.
you’re going to restart a million times, but isn’t that life?
we all end life on the exhale.
i shared with the members in one of our daily emails that every breath we take is a chance to restart our lives in that moment.
we all end our lives on an exhale.
every inhale we can be taken in gratitude in knowing that life begins again for us right now.
don’t be afraid to start over.
don’t be afraid to be softer with yourself + others in this very moment.
life is about balance.
ultimately, life is about balance. too much of anything can make us not appreciate it anymore. imagine only eating your favorite cake for every meal because you love it so much.
eventually, one loses interest in something that is readily available.
when it’s right there for us all the time, we don’t appreciate it anymore. it’s too readily + we don’t want it.
you have to take the Brussel sprouts with the cake!
there has to be balance. you can’t have everything that you want without embracing the things that will help you appreciate what you’ve got.
variety is the spice of life.
we need the valleys just as much as we need the peaks.
are we doing the most?
the capitalistic views of our society are pushing many of us to slow down so much that we are at a standstill.
is an overcompensation of rest the solution?
life has always been about softness as much as it has been about hustle. there’s no right or wrong to this, only preference. you have to figure out how much of each you’d like in your life.
work is still a part of life.
how we want to reconfigure our workloads + how we want to approach work is up to us.
there is no harvest without tending to the fields. you don’t get fruit without putting in the work, fam.
don’t embrace the soft life so much that it leads to inactivity.
life is to be lived.
live the life you most desire + it can be in the one of the softest ways ever.
your life doesn’t have the hold the label of the soft life, it can simply be your life.
labels tend to hold us to obligations, so don’t be afraid to shed the labels + do what you do.
be like water, sis.
you put water into any vessel + it takes the shape of that vessel.
it can be hard as ice or airy as steam.
it takes on many shapes in its lifetime, but is still water.
water, like you, can do many things + still be what it is at its core.
allow yourself the freedom to be all the things + none of the things.
don’t have the added pressures of choosing which one you want to be, simply be.
living life on your own terms doesn’t have to look a certain way, rather it’s the freedom to choose how you’d like to live in this moment.
it doesn’t have to be overly soft or painstakingly busy all the time.
embrace the flow.
the onus is on you
remember, you are responsible for the outcome of your life.
if you don’t like the way things are going, change direction.
you are currently living life on your own terms.
you signed up for these terms with your repeated actions + behaviors.
don’t like what you signed up for? switch that shit up!
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i appreciate you taking the time to read + listen!
thank you for showing up today.
you’re doing yourself a solid by being here + i appreciate your presence!
again, thank you for showing up for yourself + most importantly, thank you for being you.
i’ll see you on the next episode. 👋🏾
be you, be dope!
Phylicia Sadsarin
Mindset Coach
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